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Feb. 17th, 2007 09:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zana16Hmm. I seem to have been neglecting updating. Perhaps because my life is boring.
Last night was a rather interesting experience, if by "interesting" you mean "head-pounding fear over something that normal people wouldn't look twice at". Emily got upset and I retreated into my head and she asked me not to, and I just sat there in the restaurant wanting more than anything to make things right but just so absolutely paralyzed with fear that I couldn't.
Em says she's mad at my dad on principle. I know she considers what he did abuse. And looking at my reaction--I get scared of her when she gets upset, I retreat emotionally to protect myself, which hurts her--my reaction looks like a product of abuse. Like I'm reacting to a trauma. But I don't know whether to call it that, or think of it that way, because maybe it's more important for me to move on and relate to my father in regards to who he is and how he acts today, not years ago Before My Brother Fucked Up and Sent My Father a Wakeup Call That Changed Everything. I can't fight with my dad long-distance, in fact I can't fight with him at all cause of the same problem--I can't deal with conflict except by shutting down and shutting it out.
Speaking of shutting it out....
So I've been reading "Freakonomics" during my lunch breaks and it's absolutely awesome. Everyone needs to read this book.
I have a perpetual headache these days from lack of sleep, as I'm no longer the night manager, and consequently have to get up at normal hours. The horror. Beltway traffic is a bitch, both ways--if Books on Tape did not exist, I would be stark raving mad. Or at least, more stark raving mad that I already am.
Last night was a rather interesting experience, if by "interesting" you mean "head-pounding fear over something that normal people wouldn't look twice at". Emily got upset and I retreated into my head and she asked me not to, and I just sat there in the restaurant wanting more than anything to make things right but just so absolutely paralyzed with fear that I couldn't.
Em says she's mad at my dad on principle. I know she considers what he did abuse. And looking at my reaction--I get scared of her when she gets upset, I retreat emotionally to protect myself, which hurts her--my reaction looks like a product of abuse. Like I'm reacting to a trauma. But I don't know whether to call it that, or think of it that way, because maybe it's more important for me to move on and relate to my father in regards to who he is and how he acts today, not years ago Before My Brother Fucked Up and Sent My Father a Wakeup Call That Changed Everything. I can't fight with my dad long-distance, in fact I can't fight with him at all cause of the same problem--I can't deal with conflict except by shutting down and shutting it out.
Speaking of shutting it out....
So I've been reading "Freakonomics" during my lunch breaks and it's absolutely awesome. Everyone needs to read this book.
I have a perpetual headache these days from lack of sleep, as I'm no longer the night manager, and consequently have to get up at normal hours. The horror. Beltway traffic is a bitch, both ways--if Books on Tape did not exist, I would be stark raving mad. Or at least, more stark raving mad that I already am.
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Date: 2007-02-18 04:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-18 02:35 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-18 06:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-18 02:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-18 07:18 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-19 10:01 pm (UTC)It's a brilliant safeguard against assassination, though, having Cheney as VP. No matter how much any extremist may hate Bush, they probably hate Cheney more.