In which Zana freaks out about teaching

[zana16]

I sometimes wish I were not so dependent on physical contact. I've been hug-less for a week or so now, and it's really playing havoc. Now Aaron thinks I'm flirting with him when really I was just treating him like I would any friend--but he doesn't know me well enough to know that. And yeah, I guess I kind of flirt with many of my friends, but never seriously. At Smith I always knew there were hugs for the asking, and physical boundaries were practically nonexistant between me and a lot of people. I miss Ron and I miss my friends and I just want to curl up next to someone like I'm used to, but there's this whole co-ed thing and this straight thing and a few of the other staff are married so off-limits apparently thing. And maybe it's just I'm a cuddle-whore but seriously this is going to drive me crazy. I can get my private time, which is just as important as my cuddle-time, but the year in France taught me that I need other people if I'm going to be truly happy. I wish I weren't a touchy-feely sort of person because I know it weirds some people out and since I'm very guarded about my personal space with people I don't know or like, so I get that. Which means that if they're weirded out, I start to wonder which one it is--do they not know me or do they not like me, and then I start to get paranoid. Which is never good.

Meanwhile, classes start Tuesday and everything--seriously everything--is up in the air. Syllabi, course outlines, lesson plans. I am so not ready to teach Physics; I need another month or so to be ready, and that's without the down-time I'm going to need to make up for the lack of physical contact.

I know I'll survive--I always do. I know I won't be good at it at first--and that's going to be the hardest thing to accept. I've never failed before. The last time I failed something was a pop quiz in 8th grade American history. I've always been close to the top of any group I'm in, and now I'm going to jump into the unknown of teaching and I'll sink. I'll eventually learn to swim, but first I'll have to get used to the idea that not all swimming just comes naturally. I wonder how much of my self-image is built on the fact that I've always been good at what I do, and good at those new things I try?

Damn it. Now talking to Aaron is awkward, and I babble at him. He offered to teach Physics if I taught his Algebra 2 class, but that feels like not facing my fears. Nice kid, Aaron.* Shame I had to realize he's not a Smithie.

*I feel obligated to mention that he is only a few months younger than I am; it's just I won't get (as) paranoid if I refer to him as a kid.

Comments

[soraidh.livejournal.com]

First off, breathe. Remember you know more than they do, even if it's only by a chapter ;)

Second, remember that you aren't just teaching them physics or English or some subject. You're teaching them about life. Don't make that scare you either. That happens to be a hell of a lot easier to teach than physics or English.

Third, show them you care. Learn their names as quickly as you can and call them by their names. Try and make the experience fun, be silly. I am the biggest wallflower you can imagine until I get in front of my class and then I turn into the biggest goober on the planet. But they remember me and they remember what I'm teaching them. Generally because I think they were giggling at what I was doing so they can remember "oh yeah, she was talking about that when she made that really horrible joke about X."

By far though, if I could just tell you one thing it would be this: not every student is an A or B student. Remember that just because a student does not do as well as you had hoped it does not mean they have not learned something from class. Not all knowledge can be expressed as a grade on an exam or a number of points. Some of the lessons they learn will only be evident as they go through (high school or) college and face life after they have graduated.

And if all else fails, teach drunk ;)

[whereshardy.livejournal.com]

HUG