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Oct. 24th, 2003 07:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zana16*wants to cower in a corner*
My body and my psyche are doing weird things to me. It's been four full years since I've had a healthy crush on a real person. A real crush, not the kind of medieval chivalric let-me-slay-dragons-for-you-and-I-will-cherish-the-glove-you-gave-me thing I had for a long string of people, ending with Liz and Erin. This is *freaky*, yo. Like, actually being attracted to someone who isn't an idealized version of a person or a character straight out of a novel (yes, I admit, I fall in love with book characters--so sue me. y'all do the same thing with Pirates) or Chris Kirkpatrick.
One thing I know is that I won't do anything about it. Too soon after having my heart ripped out, for one thing. For another, too real. I can't even deal with the crush part; I would choke on the actual girlfriend or rejection part.
So, here's to you, my First Healthy Crush in Four Years. If I were the person I wanted to be, I'd write you songs and take you out for coffee and shit. But I'm not, and I won't. But you're effecting positive change in me. It's a good beginning.
My body and my psyche are doing weird things to me. It's been four full years since I've had a healthy crush on a real person. A real crush, not the kind of medieval chivalric let-me-slay-dragons-for-you-and-I-will-cherish-the-glove-you-gave-me thing I had for a long string of people, ending with Liz and Erin. This is *freaky*, yo. Like, actually being attracted to someone who isn't an idealized version of a person or a character straight out of a novel (yes, I admit, I fall in love with book characters--so sue me. y'all do the same thing with Pirates) or Chris Kirkpatrick.
One thing I know is that I won't do anything about it. Too soon after having my heart ripped out, for one thing. For another, too real. I can't even deal with the crush part; I would choke on the actual girlfriend or rejection part.
So, here's to you, my First Healthy Crush in Four Years. If I were the person I wanted to be, I'd write you songs and take you out for coffee and shit. But I'm not, and I won't. But you're effecting positive change in me. It's a good beginning.