(no subject)

[zana16]

I can't do this. I can't be this emotionally invested and get nothing. I can't blame it on hormones this week; I don't want to feel this way, hate this feeling, it's eating me up with selfdoubt and the whole situation is hurting me more than I get out of it. I don't want to fall apart this way. I don't want to say this is the end. I don't want to be passive aggressive like this but I'm not seeing what else to do without me hurting even more.

I remember when beefive and I were talking once and I said, a friend is someone who will drive fifty miles in the middle of the night to pick you up and not ask any questions til you've slept and cried in her arms. She said, a friend is someone who will go out with me in the sunshine with an umbrella just cause I'm weird like that. I think we're both right.

Maybe I've always been wrong. Maybe Jen is the bravest person I know, because each time an asshole dumps her she gets up and goes back in, she learns to trust and be betrayed again and again and again, while I just curl up in my nest and try not to cry too loudly. Wouldn't want to disturb the fucking neighbors.

/self-pity. Fuck it. Already over it. Mood swings much? *sigh* I exhaust myself.