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May. 28th, 2003 11:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zana16Apparently there's a huge conflict going on in the HP fandom at the moment. Don't know what it is, who is involved, or anything else, nor do I want to. I will not be dragged into conflicts except when there are clearcut issues, such as with ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pottersginny.
Am reading La Vie Sexuelle de Catherine M. Honestly, after reading in the various fandoms I'm in for so long, I didn't think anything could shock me. You have to sort through so many bad fanfics, most of which are badly-written smut (basic premise: character A and character B are Mortal Enemies. They discover they are desperately attracted to each other. Circumstances force them to reveal this--cue really lame plot devices--and then they fuck like bunnies. Often without lube, in slash, which I imagine would be more painful than pleasurable.), to find the good ones. So I was quite surprised to find myself shocked by this book. It's just the personification of "ew, who'd wanna do that?".
My cousin sent me this, and there's no way in hell I'd tell her some of these things as I still have trouble with the fact that she's no longer 9 years old.
>1. Full name: ? Janaki Rhiánnon Spickard Keeler. "Janaki" is a Hindu earth goddess also called Sita, married to a blue god. See the latest "A Little Princess" for the mythology. "Rhiánnon" is a Welsh earth goddess associated, I think, with music. My parents didn't realize they'd named me for two earth goddesses until later. Spickard is my dad's last name; Keeler is my mom's. She lived in Latin America and one of her requirements for marrying my dad was that her kids have two last names.
>
>2.Were you named after anyone? Yes, one of my mom's friends from when she lived in India
>
>3. Do you wish on stars? Yes. And airplanes and planets, too, occassionally.
>
>4. Which finger is your favorite? Ummmm.... I dunno. Index, maybe. Or thumb. Pinkies are kinda useless.
>
>5. When did you cry last? I don't keep track of when I cry at night, because it's at least once a month but it's not for anything in particular. My dad calls it "grieving for humanity". The last real cry I had was in Madrid a month ago when my PalmPilot was stolen.
>
>6. If you were making a movie about yourself what would the title be? Well, the screenplay very loosely based on my high school experience is called "Graduation." But in terms of my whole life, it'd be something along the lines of "Idealist Meets World". It's a French film; no one really knows whether it's me or the world that wins.
>
>7. Do you like your handwriting? I used to, but it's degenerating into my dad's. I got a postcard from him and the only reason I knew it was from him was because it had a kangaroo and "Greetings from Australia" in big yellow letters, and he's the only person I know in Australia at the moment.
>
>8. Who do you admire? The Dali Lama, Gahndi, my mother, my stepmom's parents, MLK Jr.... There are others but I can't remember their names at the moment.
>
>9. What is the #1 priority in your life? Being happy
>
>10. What is your favorite lunch meat? Don't really like lunchmeat, thanks.
>
>11. Any bad habits? worrying, being too self concious, biting my nails
>
>12. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? Hanson. I was fourteen.
I also have Backstreet Boys. But I have an excuse. When I arrived in Spain, everyone who heard I was an American would ask me the same two questions: "Have you ever met a famous person?" and "Who is your favorite Backstreet Boy?" They hadn't hit the States yet, so I'd never heard of them. I went and bought a CD, opened it up, decided which one I thought was cute, and memorized his name. Of course, I don't remember which one it was, now.
>
>13. Are you a daredevil? not really, depends upon your definition of
"daredevil". Like, I've done some "daring" things that are most peoples' definition of "stupidity incarnated".
>
>14. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? yes. After my dad yelled at me for 3 hours and wouldn't let me go to school. I don't think Kirsten ever quite forgave me for that.
>
>15. Do looks matter? not really, but considering our culture...
>
>16. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? yes. Eighth grade. It's still embarrassing.
>
>17. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
of course
>
>18. Do fish have feelings? how would I know
>
>19. Are you trendy? ha
>
>20. How do you release anger? I don't, usually. Sometimes I write.
>
>21. Where is your second home? 'twould be easier to answer if I had a first home. My grandparents', I guess. Or Smith. Or my aunt and uncle in Pacific Grove. Also, I carry everything I ever might possibly need in my backpack, and Sally calls me Turtle cause I carry my home on my back.
>
>22. Do you trust others easily? yes and no
>
>23. Favorite toy as a child ? My Little Ponies. Never had a Barbie (a friend's mother gave me one and it "disappeared" a week later) as my parents didn't consider them appropriate models of what a woman should be.
>
>24. What class in school do you think is totally useless? Hmm. At college, since I choose my classes, I've been able to avoid really pointless things like Organic Chemistry and Sociology 101. This year, though, I had to take Phonetics and it was a waste of one hour a week.
>
>25. Do you like sappy love songs? sometimes
>
>26. Have you ever been on radio or television? my senior year of highschool the Spanish channel interviewed me cause I was "Student of the Week" or something. It was bizarre.
>
>27. Do you have a journal? you're reading it.
>
>28. Do you use sarcasm a lot? not anymore
>
>29. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? The second mosh pit I was in was incredibly lame. The first, I was stoned out of my mind and decided it would be a good idea to lay down in the middle of it. I am still alive today, but I'm not quite sure how.
>
>30. What do you look for in a guy/girl? fun to be around, kind,
>trustworthy, intelligent, as tall as or taller than I am
>
>31. What is your nickname? Jankiki (childhood nickname), JR (only when I was twelve; call me this and I'll get violent), JK, Zana, Turtle. Robby used to call me Jonjon in fun but I said I'd spell his name with an ie instead of a y and he shut up.
>
>32. Would you bungee jump? if you paid me. a lot.
>
>33. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? yeah right. The trainers I'm wearing now I think I tied sometime last year.
>
>34. What are you worried about right now? the state of the world, getting a
>summer job, my brother not graduating, my dad taking the news of my brother not graduating.
>
>35. Do you ever wear overalls? I used to, but it's hard to find plus-sized overalls and I just don't bother looking anymore
>
>36. Do you think you are strong? physically, no. mentally, yes.
>
>37. What's your favorite ice cream? fruity: raspberry. Mint chocolate chip and peppermint stick are a tossup, but peppermint stick wins if it has chocolate swirls in it. Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, which I think has been discontinued at home but we still have it here in Europe.
>
>38. What's your favorite color(s)? silvery bluish greenish
>
>39. What's your least favorite thing in the world? hatered, war, suffering,
idealists who give up because it's too hard
>
>40. How many wisdom teeth do you have? none, I have had them all pulled
>
>41. Do you have anything pierced? ears. twice. my dad insisted I couldn't get my ears pierced until I was 16. Then he made the mistake of sending me off to Spain for a year. I cut class one day and got them pierced, sent him a letter and said "you're 3000 miles away and you can't do a bloody thing about it". Second pair I got first year of college, I think, at the dead mall.
>
>42. Do you have any tattoos? no. When I reach my goal weight (like that's ever gonna happen), I want to get a Rhiánnon's knot on the small of my back
>
>43. Boxers or briefs? wouldn't you like to know. at the moment I am wearing men's black boxerbriefs that I bought for my brother and turned out to be the wrong size. I forgot to do my laundry last week so this is my backup.
>
>44. Your deepest darkest secret? Dude, I haven't even told that to my therapist.
>
>45. Most embarrassing moment? Okay. This is gonna be long.
Background info: I am very open to the idea of sex. I'm just a prude when it comes to my own sex life. Well, that's not exactly true. When I'm actually in a relationship, I'm a prude when it comes to sex. Cause it's only then that I establish actual boundaries and stuff. Also, I do not talk about sex. I am shy in bed with people I actually care enough about that it isn't a one-night stand.
The situation: I was dating a woman. Let's call her MCA for no other reason than that it means something to me and not to any of you. We get drunk one night and we look at sex toys online. She mentions wanting something called chinese balls.
Fastforward a week or so. Her birthday is coming up. I figure, okay. Nevermind that I had trouble even bringing her a flower for Valentine's Day. So I go to Intimacies, the dyke-friendly sex shop in Northampton by the Iron Horse. It's where the entire fucking campus goes, so a Smithie could walk in at any time. Have I mentioned that I'm shy?
So I go in. Immediately I go bright red. Neon red. Not many are familiar with the full bloom of the truly embarrassed Zana.
I try to look around casually. I contemplate buying a bright pink vibrator just because the color cracks me up; I decide not to because MCA is already insecure and thinks I'm actually straight and only dating women cause they're safe--which is true, but I didn't realize that at the time. I edge away from the leather-filled room in the back. And I don't find what I'm looking for.
As if God wants to see if even more blood can rush to my cheeks, I have to ask. And they've never heard of the damn thing. The woman is very gentle and understanding, and asks if I want to join a support group for those who are uncomfortable with their partner's kinkiness. I must have looked terrified. MCA is not kinky; I am just shy. I mutter "no, thanks", and grab the first thing that looks even remotely like what MCA wanted, pay for it in cash since I don't want a sex shop showing up on my creditcard bill since my dad tends to open them before forwarding them to me, and rush out. The only saving grace is that they put the thing in a plain paper bag.
And in the end, I was too shy to give it to her anyways.
>
>46. Do you want children? Probably
>
>47. Would you adopt a child? yes, though I'd prefer my own. I just want to make sure they don't get the genes for cancer and depression that run in my family.
>
>48. Anything you regret? sure
Well. That's me. At this point, you know almost everything that I might tell in smalltalk.
pottersginny.Am reading La Vie Sexuelle de Catherine M. Honestly, after reading in the various fandoms I'm in for so long, I didn't think anything could shock me. You have to sort through so many bad fanfics, most of which are badly-written smut (basic premise: character A and character B are Mortal Enemies. They discover they are desperately attracted to each other. Circumstances force them to reveal this--cue really lame plot devices--and then they fuck like bunnies. Often without lube, in slash, which I imagine would be more painful than pleasurable.), to find the good ones. So I was quite surprised to find myself shocked by this book. It's just the personification of "ew, who'd wanna do that?".
My cousin sent me this, and there's no way in hell I'd tell her some of these things as I still have trouble with the fact that she's no longer 9 years old.
>1. Full name: ? Janaki Rhiánnon Spickard Keeler. "Janaki" is a Hindu earth goddess also called Sita, married to a blue god. See the latest "A Little Princess" for the mythology. "Rhiánnon" is a Welsh earth goddess associated, I think, with music. My parents didn't realize they'd named me for two earth goddesses until later. Spickard is my dad's last name; Keeler is my mom's. She lived in Latin America and one of her requirements for marrying my dad was that her kids have two last names.
>
>2.Were you named after anyone? Yes, one of my mom's friends from when she lived in India
>
>3. Do you wish on stars? Yes. And airplanes and planets, too, occassionally.
>
>4. Which finger is your favorite? Ummmm.... I dunno. Index, maybe. Or thumb. Pinkies are kinda useless.
>
>5. When did you cry last? I don't keep track of when I cry at night, because it's at least once a month but it's not for anything in particular. My dad calls it "grieving for humanity". The last real cry I had was in Madrid a month ago when my PalmPilot was stolen.
>
>6. If you were making a movie about yourself what would the title be? Well, the screenplay very loosely based on my high school experience is called "Graduation." But in terms of my whole life, it'd be something along the lines of "Idealist Meets World". It's a French film; no one really knows whether it's me or the world that wins.
>
>7. Do you like your handwriting? I used to, but it's degenerating into my dad's. I got a postcard from him and the only reason I knew it was from him was because it had a kangaroo and "Greetings from Australia" in big yellow letters, and he's the only person I know in Australia at the moment.
>
>8. Who do you admire? The Dali Lama, Gahndi, my mother, my stepmom's parents, MLK Jr.... There are others but I can't remember their names at the moment.
>
>9. What is the #1 priority in your life? Being happy
>
>10. What is your favorite lunch meat? Don't really like lunchmeat, thanks.
>
>11. Any bad habits? worrying, being too self concious, biting my nails
>
>12. What is your most embarrassing CD on the shelf? Hanson. I was fourteen.
I also have Backstreet Boys. But I have an excuse. When I arrived in Spain, everyone who heard I was an American would ask me the same two questions: "Have you ever met a famous person?" and "Who is your favorite Backstreet Boy?" They hadn't hit the States yet, so I'd never heard of them. I went and bought a CD, opened it up, decided which one I thought was cute, and memorized his name. Of course, I don't remember which one it was, now.
>
>13. Are you a daredevil? not really, depends upon your definition of
"daredevil". Like, I've done some "daring" things that are most peoples' definition of "stupidity incarnated".
>
>14. Have you ever told a secret you swore not to tell? yes. After my dad yelled at me for 3 hours and wouldn't let me go to school. I don't think Kirsten ever quite forgave me for that.
>
>15. Do looks matter? not really, but considering our culture...
>
>16. Have you ever misused a word and it sounded absolutely stupid? yes. Eighth grade. It's still embarrassing.
>
>17. Do you think there is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow?
of course
>
>18. Do fish have feelings? how would I know
>
>19. Are you trendy? ha
>
>20. How do you release anger? I don't, usually. Sometimes I write.
>
>21. Where is your second home? 'twould be easier to answer if I had a first home. My grandparents', I guess. Or Smith. Or my aunt and uncle in Pacific Grove. Also, I carry everything I ever might possibly need in my backpack, and Sally calls me Turtle cause I carry my home on my back.
>
>22. Do you trust others easily? yes and no
>
>23. Favorite toy as a child ? My Little Ponies. Never had a Barbie (a friend's mother gave me one and it "disappeared" a week later) as my parents didn't consider them appropriate models of what a woman should be.
>
>24. What class in school do you think is totally useless? Hmm. At college, since I choose my classes, I've been able to avoid really pointless things like Organic Chemistry and Sociology 101. This year, though, I had to take Phonetics and it was a waste of one hour a week.
>
>25. Do you like sappy love songs? sometimes
>
>26. Have you ever been on radio or television? my senior year of highschool the Spanish channel interviewed me cause I was "Student of the Week" or something. It was bizarre.
>
>27. Do you have a journal? you're reading it.
>
>28. Do you use sarcasm a lot? not anymore
>
>29. Have you ever been in a mosh pit? The second mosh pit I was in was incredibly lame. The first, I was stoned out of my mind and decided it would be a good idea to lay down in the middle of it. I am still alive today, but I'm not quite sure how.
>
>30. What do you look for in a guy/girl? fun to be around, kind,
>trustworthy, intelligent, as tall as or taller than I am
>
>31. What is your nickname? Jankiki (childhood nickname), JR (only when I was twelve; call me this and I'll get violent), JK, Zana, Turtle. Robby used to call me Jonjon in fun but I said I'd spell his name with an ie instead of a y and he shut up.
>
>32. Would you bungee jump? if you paid me. a lot.
>
>33. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? yeah right. The trainers I'm wearing now I think I tied sometime last year.
>
>34. What are you worried about right now? the state of the world, getting a
>summer job, my brother not graduating, my dad taking the news of my brother not graduating.
>
>35. Do you ever wear overalls? I used to, but it's hard to find plus-sized overalls and I just don't bother looking anymore
>
>36. Do you think you are strong? physically, no. mentally, yes.
>
>37. What's your favorite ice cream? fruity: raspberry. Mint chocolate chip and peppermint stick are a tossup, but peppermint stick wins if it has chocolate swirls in it. Ben and Jerry's Phish Food, which I think has been discontinued at home but we still have it here in Europe.
>
>38. What's your favorite color(s)? silvery bluish greenish
>
>39. What's your least favorite thing in the world? hatered, war, suffering,
idealists who give up because it's too hard
>
>40. How many wisdom teeth do you have? none, I have had them all pulled
>
>41. Do you have anything pierced? ears. twice. my dad insisted I couldn't get my ears pierced until I was 16. Then he made the mistake of sending me off to Spain for a year. I cut class one day and got them pierced, sent him a letter and said "you're 3000 miles away and you can't do a bloody thing about it". Second pair I got first year of college, I think, at the dead mall.
>
>42. Do you have any tattoos? no. When I reach my goal weight (like that's ever gonna happen), I want to get a Rhiánnon's knot on the small of my back
>
>43. Boxers or briefs? wouldn't you like to know. at the moment I am wearing men's black boxerbriefs that I bought for my brother and turned out to be the wrong size. I forgot to do my laundry last week so this is my backup.
>
>44. Your deepest darkest secret? Dude, I haven't even told that to my therapist.
>
>45. Most embarrassing moment? Okay. This is gonna be long.
Background info: I am very open to the idea of sex. I'm just a prude when it comes to my own sex life. Well, that's not exactly true. When I'm actually in a relationship, I'm a prude when it comes to sex. Cause it's only then that I establish actual boundaries and stuff. Also, I do not talk about sex. I am shy in bed with people I actually care enough about that it isn't a one-night stand.
The situation: I was dating a woman. Let's call her MCA for no other reason than that it means something to me and not to any of you. We get drunk one night and we look at sex toys online. She mentions wanting something called chinese balls.
Fastforward a week or so. Her birthday is coming up. I figure, okay. Nevermind that I had trouble even bringing her a flower for Valentine's Day. So I go to Intimacies, the dyke-friendly sex shop in Northampton by the Iron Horse. It's where the entire fucking campus goes, so a Smithie could walk in at any time. Have I mentioned that I'm shy?
So I go in. Immediately I go bright red. Neon red. Not many are familiar with the full bloom of the truly embarrassed Zana.
I try to look around casually. I contemplate buying a bright pink vibrator just because the color cracks me up; I decide not to because MCA is already insecure and thinks I'm actually straight and only dating women cause they're safe--which is true, but I didn't realize that at the time. I edge away from the leather-filled room in the back. And I don't find what I'm looking for.
As if God wants to see if even more blood can rush to my cheeks, I have to ask. And they've never heard of the damn thing. The woman is very gentle and understanding, and asks if I want to join a support group for those who are uncomfortable with their partner's kinkiness. I must have looked terrified. MCA is not kinky; I am just shy. I mutter "no, thanks", and grab the first thing that looks even remotely like what MCA wanted, pay for it in cash since I don't want a sex shop showing up on my creditcard bill since my dad tends to open them before forwarding them to me, and rush out. The only saving grace is that they put the thing in a plain paper bag.
And in the end, I was too shy to give it to her anyways.
>
>46. Do you want children? Probably
>
>47. Would you adopt a child? yes, though I'd prefer my own. I just want to make sure they don't get the genes for cancer and depression that run in my family.
>
>48. Anything you regret? sure
Well. That's me. At this point, you know almost everything that I might tell in smalltalk.