sorry about that....

[zana16]

Okay, bad energy all out.... Sorry. It has been a whole three minutes since I got really really mad and frustrated and now it is over.... this is somehow just like me, I suppose. Usually I just go hide in a bathroom and fume; this is one of the first times I've actually not canned it all inside. Perhaps that is why it passed quicker? But I feel guilty for being so angry. Usually I keep that sort of anger for things like my President and his policies, and try to let stupid bureaucracy just roll off of me cause it really isn´t worth my time.... I try to keep my mother´s memory in mind; she was always this center of calm. I mean, unless there was something worth getting pissed off about. She and my dad fought but only when they really needed to fight, to work things out. It was healthy fighting, and they always fought fair. It took me until just recently to realize that not everyone fights fair, or even knows how to fight fair. It took me until just recently to realize that not everyone had figured out the self-evident things that I learned in my childhood like hurting people is bad no matter what, and walk in another person´s shoes before you judge them, and all humans are equal so that´s why we have illegal refugees living in our backyard. I honestly thought when I was little that it was perfectly normal to have a family living in one´s backyard; it was how the world was structured for me. Mama went to work teaching migrant workers´ kids how to speak English and fight for their rights, Daddy sat at his typewriter frustrated and shipped us to and from the busstop for an hourlong busride to the nearest school, the crop-dusters always forgot to turn off the pesticide sprays while flying over the school so we never got to have recess on time cause the teachers had to go wipe down the table and playground equiptment, everyone I knew either spoke Spanish and English or just Spanish. Back hills of California; poor as dirt. This is the America I know, the America I love, and the America I will fight for--peacefully, which is the hardest fight of all.

And I will not let myself get sidetracked by incompetent bureaucrats. Will not. I just forget that sometimes.