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cshushki said yesterday of the guy I'm crushing on, "Sounds like he needs to be needed. You could try being more needy."

Turned me right off, that did. I think I may need to reevaluate this crush. And like I told her, I'd probably lose him to the first needier person who came along.

This is not to say that I'm not needy. I am. It's just I regard that more as a personal failing, and not something I'd get into a relationship to remedy. And also I would never trust anyone else with my neediness. Trust issues up the wazoo, that's me. But also, like Alanis Morisette says, I don't want to be your other half, I believe that one and one make two. It took me a long time to learn that I could take care of myself and I don't know that I'd be able to give that up; it's a hard-won knowledge but it's a good knowledge.

Perhaps I should not be posting from work on my slightly fucked-up inner dialogue.

(no subject)

Hayes Carll YouTube video--She Left Me for Jesus

And now you know more than I wanted you to about my sense of humor.

Christmas Wish List Meme

Yes, I'm doing this meme again this year. Yes, even though I already did a fandom wishlist. Because people keep asking me what I want for Christmas and I can't think of anything I want except the Pros DVDs and I bought them for myself. And then when I went to start this I still couldn't think of anything so I pretty much copied what I wrote last year.

( How it works )

My Wishlist:

1) Peace, love, and understanding. ...Yeah, I'm holding my breath.

2) Nifty Overpriced Tech: this looks like it would be awesome.

3) My Amazon.com wishlist is here.

4) A interesting calendar for my wall. I asked for this last year and got no less than four.

5) Donations to good causes that I won't be donating to because I am poor. These include Friends Committee on National Legislation, American Civil Liberties Union, Planned Parenthood, Right Sharing of World Resources, Leadership Initiatives which I said a few words about here, 1Well which is a cool SVC org at the Affinity Lab where I work, and more about them here, Heifer International, Christian Peacemaker Teams, any org working in or based in Chiapas, any Fair Trade group, and any environmentalist group. The ones that come immediately to mind are the Chesapeake Bay Foundation, the Sierra Club and the Nature Conservancy. On the subject of environmentalism, I haven't researched carbon offsets enough to know which ones aren't bullshit, but if you happen to know, let me know please.

Two more places that I've worked at so they have special meaning to me, which are also in need of money but won't give you the same degree of "I'm helping solve big important issues and helping humanity in general" charitable-giving feeling, are William Penn House and Olney Friends School.

6) A higher-paying, enjoyable job that could utilize my education. Also a swift kick in the butt to get me to apply for said job.

7) Interesting socks. Especially kneesocks.

8) I want a subscription to The New York Review of Books but I always feel guilty when I receive this because I never read it the whole way through; I just haven't the time! Other mags I'd like are Cook's Illustrated and Discover.

9) Hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.

10) To magically get into grad school without applying. Also, to magically speak German. The two are only vaguely related.

11) Okay, so this list is only supposed to have ten items. But I'm not good with boxes, and I'm not good at fitting Dharma into my life, so. I'd like a direct realization of emptiness. That's not much to ask for, is it? It's not like I'm asking for enlightenment...

12) Again, not so good with the number thing. Catie Curtis's CD Long Night Moon. Or My Shirt Looks Good on You or A Crash Course in Roses.

13) For my leather coat with the inexplicable stain to come back from the drycleaners good as new! Preeeetty please? I was not given much cause for hope by the drycleaner's staff. In fact, they looked at me like I was nuts. Perhaps because I could not explain a huge, white stain on the side of my leather coat. Perhaps also because I dared to ask how they could have a sign guaranteeing same-day service, then tell me it'll take them three weeks to clean the coat. And no promises that it won't come out two different colors. Woe. Glee! Good as new! Thank you, Christmas gremlins!

14) Kombucha mushrooms. A customer at the Coop was going to give me some but then I think she thought I was hitting on her and so she never did. I spend way too much money on kombucha. It leaves all you coffee freaks in the dust.

15) Fuck it. I want a pony!

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Hee! GoogleDocs flashed up to let me know that my birthday is starting in 10 minutes!

I heart GoogleCalendar.