(no subject)

Long time no write. Huh. Also, I haven't been anywhere near LJ for about a month. In that time, I know major life events have happened to my flist. I'm sorry, especially for the babies I "missed".

Um. Life is good. There are daffodils. Dacey loves daffodils, and yet still I cannot write her story. Tangentially, I find it rather disturbing that there are daffodils planted along all the roads around the Pentagon. Em theorizes that they are actually anti-aircraft daffodils.

I've lost ten pounds since I started this whole exercise thing. I don't look any different, and I'm not altogether sure I want to. I am sooo conflicted about losing weight. My fat is my protection. It makes other people dismiss me. It makes me unattractive. I don't know if I want to be attractive. The little evil voice that thinks it's all my fault in the first place whispers that as long as I'm not attractive, I won't get hurt again. I know it's not my fault, what happened, but still. So I didn't react well when a coworker noted I was "looking good". I like my layer of protection that insulates me from other people. I don't know if I want to lose it.

Wah wah wah fat girl whines.

Anywhoo. Em says dinner is ready. More later. Maybe.