Having to be the grown-up responsible one is hard. Especially all the time, especially growing up, and *especially* when we end up playing peace keeper for other people. It's not something I was even aware of doing until I was no longer in that situation. Until I had the chance and it was safe to flip out. Sometimes our minds let us feel only what we can handle.
Words can have at least as much of a lasting effect as physical harm, or so all the social workers I know tell me. In some ways more, because it's easier to understand physical harm. There are things that pattently aren't okay, and it's easy to recognize those. It's much harder to understand things that might never have been said, but might still have been expectations. Like being expected to be the calm, competent one, to be able to handle other people's anger, to not be allowed to feel what you do or say anything at all, much less anything out of line, to have to constantly watch and censor yourself because unlike the people around you, you could.
Love is different than safety. I find it hard to understand that sometimes, but it's fundamentally true. You can be loved and still not have everything be good and wonderful.
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Date: 2006-12-13 05:33 pm (UTC)Having to be the grown-up responsible one is hard. Especially all the time, especially growing up, and *especially* when we end up playing peace keeper for other people. It's not something I was even aware of doing until I was no longer in that situation. Until I had the chance and it was safe to flip out. Sometimes our minds let us feel only what we can handle.
Words can have at least as much of a lasting effect as physical harm, or so all the social workers I know tell me. In some ways more, because it's easier to understand physical harm. There are things that pattently aren't okay, and it's easy to recognize those. It's much harder to understand things that might never have been said, but might still have been expectations. Like being expected to be the calm, competent one, to be able to handle other people's anger, to not be allowed to feel what you do or say anything at all, much less anything out of line, to have to constantly watch and censor yourself because unlike the people around you, you could.
Love is different than safety. I find it hard to understand that sometimes, but it's fundamentally true. You can be loved and still not have everything be good and wonderful.
*more big hugs*
Beth