zana16: The Beatles with text "All you need is love" (Default)
Had stomach cramps for months that time...

Sometimes I wish life wouldn't hit me over the head with my weaknesses.

I figure if I'm ever in a good marriage it'll be a lot like Buddhism is for me today: it'll be good and healthy and stabilizing for me so that I know I have to stay, even though I'll want to run screaming from the hard parts every day. The hard parts where I have to face myself. I've gotten so good at running away that I'm not sure I know how to stay and negotiate new terms.

/cryptic

want to curl in a ball and read fanfiction under the covers. dharma isn't an escape anymore, and it's scaring the fuck out of me. i hate it when the gods decide it's time to give me a kick in the ass in the right direction.
zana16: The Beatles with text "All you need is love" (Default)
We were talking about clairvoyance and miracle powers in Buddhism class today and my partner talked about how she sometimes can foresee bad things happening to people and then she started talking about plane crashes and I was like, well fuck.

H is driving me to the airport and I'm sure I've forgotten something important. I can't find one of my aunts' Christmas present, so I'll have to go shopping in San Antonio. Joy.

Second-favorite Christmas song for all of you: I Want A Hippopotamus for Christmas.
zana16: The Beatles with text "All you need is love" (Default)
As if to punish me for calling in sick two weeks ago when really I just wanted to spend time with my brother while he was in town, today I woke up actually sick and didn't have much choice. I'd signed up to do the refreshments at the Kadampa Buddhist center, and we had an empowerment which we only do once a year or so, so I really had to go.

The empowerment was for mother Prajnaparamita (whose name I can finally pronounce!), a wisdom Buddha whose "specialty" is bliss and emptiness. Since the emptiness of phenomena is something I don't even have an intellectual understanding about, let alone a realization of, I found the meditation difficult. Also I find it hard to meditate at the best of times; when I have a headache and a sore throat I can't hold concentration for more than a few moments. So self-generating as the deity? Yeah, I think I held that for about three seconds.

A member from the Baltimore Center was telling me about what happens to the tormas after the empowerment. Apparently they are dissolved in a body of water so that the teachings can go downstream and spread Dharma to the world. I thought that was kind of cool. Heidi said Gen Varahi takes them to Rock Creek Park. It's kind of nice to think of spreading peace through the waterways of Washington DC....
zana16: The Beatles with text "All you need is love" (Default)
Sorry to drop off the radar for so long. Wish it were for better reasons than it actually was. Not completely back yet, but getting there. Hopefully.

In the time since I've last written, I've managed to lose my cellphone. This means I no longer have many of your phone numbers (wail of despair!!!).

In the time since I've last written, my brother's roof fell in. Now he is living in his landlord's shed. ...Yup... Well, look, he'd be living under my bed, wouldn't he, except he's five states away from me!

In the time since I've last written, my tentative plans of becoming a Buddhist nun met a fiery and ironic death. Nuff said.

In the time since I've last written, I discovered Pros fandom. Oh. My. God.
It is the crackiest crack in the world. And since The Professionals aired before I was even born, the fandom has thirty years of crack. Mmmmm...

In the time since I've last written, the world has gone to hell in a handbasket, and those of you who are planning not to vote? DEAD TO ME. I don't care who you vote for, just do it, dammit!

In the time since I've last written, I had a wonderful, beautiful, lovely, exquisite week in which depression did not once touch me. It was amazing. It was awesome. It was just so... nice. Then the black netting caught me again and pulled me under for two weeks, worse luck. Just barely keeping afloat these days.

Er... travel plans:

1) I'll be in SA over Christmas, so all those (two or three) people whose numbers I lost with my phone? You should definitely give me your phone numbers before then.

2) I'll probably be in Boston for a trade show for a few days in October. Do I know anyone who's still in Boston? If so, call me, because I guarantee I don't have your number... I mean, I couldn't even call my dad cause I don't know any numbers by heart!

3) All you DC folk, I am collecting strays for Thanksgiving. I'm flying my brother up here--ghod willing he'll have a home by then--and I'm hosting an actual honest-to-Pete dinner at my place. We hope it will not be a disaster... I've never even cooked a chicken in my life, let alone a turkey... but we figure if we burn the house down we can go to the Olive Garden across the road. So if you are in the area and don't have Thanksgiving plans, please come! Only let me know a bit beforehand if you can, please, so I'll have a rough count of who all is coming.

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March 2015

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