Apr. 26th, 2009

I'm back!!

Apr. 26th, 2009 09:06 pm
zana16: The Beatles with text "All you need is love" (Default)
So. Three days in the woods with a bunch of Kadampa Buddhists. Altogether, I'm glad I went. It helped me clarify where I need to go next in my practice. It also helped me gel in my mind that no, I don't want to be ordained, at least not yet. Which is, well, not so hot for my chances at enlightenment, but probably the right decision for me right now.

The temple is amazing. The first meditation I did there I managed to meditate without distractions for almost an hour. Now usually, on a good day, I can meditate for at most five minutes before getting distracted. On bad days I can't keep my concentration for more than five seconds. So that was pretty amazing.

Also I got some Buddhist loot (not to mention the actual empowerment itself...): some books, images of deities, and a mandala kit. I thought about getting a mala but I'm pretty broke and I couldn't find the perfect one. I want either one with history (probably not going to happen) or one with skulls on it (more within the realm of possibility). I'm going to have to find space on my altar for all this stuff... I haven't done much pagan stuff since I got into Buddhism (or ever, if we're going strictly with the truth; pissing off a goddess was really my big brush with paganism), so I may give some of the pagan paraphernalia back to the generous souls who gave it to me.

In inimitable Zana fashion, I managed to fall in love with a guy who had said maybe ten words to me, but I resolved that shortly before leaving by sitting with him at lunch; while perfectly nice the attraction was all from my side and did not bear up under the weight of reality. Such is life. I might have had a nice fantasy in which we were soulmates if I'd just left it alone. But then it would be too ironic to find one's soulmate at a retreat on renouncing the samsaric world because happiness can only come from within...

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